How To Make Time Last Longer

Welcome to the second edition of my new newsletter. As I sit down to write this, it feels like a better start already—I can tell you how things are going here and then dive into some of my stories if you’re interested. It feels good, and that’s what matters.

I hope you’re well, wherever you are. Life can be challenging, whether it’s personal struggles or the world around you. Yet, we still say, “I hope you’re well,” without thinking about how much those words can carry. But trust me when I say that I mean it, not just as a platitude.

I know a little about what goes on in some of your lives from your own blogs, and I know things are not always easy. To put it mildly!

The Home Front

This week has been another blur of routine. We wake up, get my son ready for his special school, my wife heads to work, and take J to school either biking 10 kilometers or using public transport and then come back a couple of hours later and I take care of laundry, therapy planning, cleaning up, shopping and maybe a little rest and some quick lunch. Then off to pick him up at two o’clock. So … not much new to report on the home front.

And… not much news from the writing front, either—unfortunately. I have a lot of things half-finished, but only one small story that’s actually ready for publication this week. I’ll leave you with it at the end of the post. I didn’t plan for it to be a fitting wrap-up for this week’s topic(s), but that’s how it turned out.

Yeah, you can probably imagine that when I finally do sit down to write, during those few precious hours I am alone, it’s often hard to focus because of all the other things that need doing. Especially the pressure of my son’s therapies—speech, eating, general development—lingers in the back of my mind, creating constant guilt.

If you have read any of my newer stories you can probably guess why Carrie is pretty neurotic. 😉

And if you have a special-needs child of your own, you know this feeling all too well. But honestly, many people experience some kind of semi-permanent guilt, I believe, whether it’s about demanding jobs or other responsibilities. The days melt together, and at the end of it, all you remember is stress and repetition.

And above all, it feels like time is slipping away super fast because you can’t really remember what you did even yesterday. It just feels like you’re in a boat approaching a waterfall at an ever-increasing speed…

What the F… Happened to My Time?

So, yeah. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about time—how it seems to slip away, especially as we get older. When you’re young, time feels endless. You waste it without feeling guilty because there’s always more. But now, nearing 50 and dealing with life’s limitations, I feel like time is slipping away faster than ever.

Even if you try to relax, it’s easy to fall into bad habits—doomscrolling, binge-watching TV, mindlessly eating. It’s all just another way to blur time instead of making it meaningful.

So, on the one hand, when we’re older, we’re—usually more often than not—trapped by various circumstances: illness, family, work, etc. We can’t change that with a snap of our fingers. So we try to “check out” as often as possible, but usually in a way that pollutes our mind—and our feeling of time—instead of making things feel more meaningful, calm, and deep.

First Strategy: Making the Most of the Time I Have

If I can’t create big, exciting experiences, then I need to focus on smaller, but still fulfilling, experiences to try to stop time from feeling wasted and blurry.

For example, my son is currently obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. Finding him a new toy, even if it’s just searching online, brings a bit of joy. Or planning something as simple as dinner with a friend, even if it takes weeks to arrange.

These little experiences do matter. But they’re seldom enough.

A major problem for me in my current life—and one you can probably also glean through my stories—is the lack of freedom to use my own time.

Second Strategy: Train Myself to Experience Time More Deeply

For me personally, I need to feel more personal freedom and calmness (which is at a premium as a special-needs parent), and if I can’t act to feel that very often, I have to try to change my feelings … about time. At least that is what I have concluded.

Example: I am looking after my son for the ten thousandth day in a row. He is calm and no crises right now. But probably not much more than five minutes until there is … something. What to do? Book a journey to the Bahamas? Yeah, right.

Now what I usually do is that I put on some nature relaxation videos on the iPad while I enjoy a cup of tea (not coffee—makes your brain jump up and down). Or just drink the tea and look out the window in the garden and let my thoughts … flow.

I can do that kind of “meditative experiencing of time” while also looking after my son—at least when he’s able to play by himself and doesn’t have a meltdown.

So what I do is just sit and rest, waiting for the next thing that needs my attention… but I don’t try to escape the moment either.

I leave my phone on the table (I’ll get back to that).

That is what I can do. Very, very little. But it is SOMETHING. Especially if I train myself to do it many, many times during the day.

Is It Mindfulness? I Dunno… But It Works!

So, If I can’t change the external chaos, I have to work on my inner world. And I guess you could call it mindfulness—even though my version is very homebrewed.

To reiterate, it’s about being more consciously attentive to the present moment, even during mundane activities. (And I guess mindfulness teachers could agree that’s a workable definition. But if not, who cares? It’s a definition that works for me!)

Another example is when I am alone and have maybe an hour before laundry, and therapy planning, and all kinds of … that. I could write? Yes. But how. Rush through it and not enjoy it?

No!

Instead of rushing to write, I put on some music, I try to appreciate the song itself. It’s an ambient track by Schiller that I’ve played a thousand times. Now, I let myself enjoy it before diving into writing.

I usually use music to get into the mood for writing and re-calibrate (is that the word) my mind so I can quickly get to that focus, even while all kinds of other stress-factors push at my mind (and at my feet in the hallway, where the laundry piles usually go).

The overall experience gets better, and more often than not … my productivity. Even though I “wasted” 10 of my alotted 30 minutes, listening to and really trying to appreciate “my music”.

Does that make sense? I hope so …

Beware (Doom)Scrolling—It Kills Your Time, but Also Your Mind

Mindfulness is also about trying to control what you don’t put into your mind (too often).

And one of the biggest obstacles to mindfulness is the internet—especially doomscrolling.

It’s SO easy to get sucked into reading bad news or wasting time on pointless content. But avoiding this habit improves not only your mindfulness but also your overall outlook. I fall into this trap regularly, but I always strive to get myself out again—and quickly.

I know the less I engage with that endless scroll, the more time feels like it’s mine again. And those days feel fuller, more meaningful, more at peace overall. There’s simply no denying it.

But it is difficult. Hell, yes. Especially these days, with all the crap going on in our part of the world.

I could say a lot more about this topic but for now I will just throw it out there, because it’s hard to say something meaningful about mindfulness in 2025, no matter your life-situation, without mentioning that damn phone (where we usually scroll for … whatever).

Your phone is your helper for a lot of things, yes. But for being more at peace and feeling time as something deeper and less like a big fat blur rushing by … not so much.

The Ongoing Race to Slow … Down

Let me be clear: I don’t have a magic solution to all of this—on how to “catch time better.”

I still struggle to make my days feel meaningful, especially when they’re packed with obligations and stress.

But the kind of self-made, unscientific mindfulness I mentioned above—slowing down, enjoying that piece of music, that cup of tea, nature, finding that gift for my son—all of this helps.

It’s a practice, something you have to train yourself to do over and over. When I can pull it off, time feels less like a rushing river and more like something I can actually, well, hold.

And that feels good.

How do you deal with feeling stuck in your routines or “stuck in life”? What do you do to make time feel more meaningful when you can’t change much of what’s going on around you?